We all have an inner voice that many people refer to our inner critic. Yet I can’t help wondering why my inner voice keeps criticising me. What’s wrong with it?
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In the news this week is an article from helium that tells you that getting fit can improve your self-esteem. If your self-esteem is rather low, then you may not feel like exercising, yet if you keep it up you will definitely feel the benefits.
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How getting fit could improve
your self-esteem
By Sun Meilan
Published in Helium, 1st August 2010.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, the last thing on your mind could be to exercise, because the temptation to hide yourself away may be stronger than anything else. However, if you can bring yourself to get fitter, you may well find that it can improve your self-esteem more than you may have imagined, for the following reasons:
*You feel more alive
Exercise has a great way of honing your senses so that you are more aware of everything that is going on around you. If you have low self-esteem, your natural inclination may be to hide away and ignore everything that is going on around you. Exercise wakes you up and makes you notice the beauty that is around you – especially beneficial if your low self-esteem is a symptom of depression. It may take time, but give it a try and you won’t regret it.
*You look better
Again, it won’t happen overnight, but you will begin to feel tauter and more energised as you continue with your exercise routine. You will notice that your clothes feel looser and your muscles will look longer and leaner. People will begin to notice the change in you after a very short time. Sometimes you won’t even need to wait until you, or others, see results; the very fact that you can feel yourself toning up will be enough to improve your self-esteem.
*Endorphins kick in
When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which are the body’s feel good chemicals and are completely natural. Your body will also release adrenaline, serotonin and dopamine, all of which react together to improve your mood. It is for this reason that people who suffer from depression are recommended exercise. It can be hard to get started, but the change in your mood, and therefore self-esteem, can be phenomenal.
*Sense of achievement
People with low self-esteem tend to think that they are no good at anything. Everything they touch goes wrong and they have no incentive to put failures behind them. Exercise can provide you with the sense of achievement that you need. You may not be doing well in your job, or in your relationships, but you can run or swim a certain distance, or can get through an exercise class. That will eventually make you feel much better.
*Slowly increases desire to be social
You may start out wanting to exercise alone, feeling too embarrassed to let others see you in your exercise clothes. However, in time, your natural competitive streak will kick in and you will want to see how you compare with others. Going to the gym, taking part in classes and playing against others naturally makes you more social, which, for someone with low self-esteem can be an important factor in improving the issue.
If you need to improve your self-esteem, exercise can be an important part of your efforts. It may be painful at first, but the results could be amazing.
Read more at: http://www.helium.com/items/1909113-how-to-get-fit-how-to-improve-your-self-esteem-self-esteem-self-confidence-exercise-endorphins
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How can we use this to help us grow? It is quite well known that exercise will help you to feel better and so improve your self-esteem, but don’t expect that to happen overnight. Initially, and especially if you overdo it, exercise can make you feel worse. Approach exercise with a positive attitude and take a long-term view. Above all, do not perform any exercise unless you know you are fit enough to do it. If you have any doubt, consult your doctor.
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What’s Wrong With Your Inner Critic?
I have in front of me the text of an old training programme designed to improve your self-esteem that I obtained from a hypnotherapist I met a decade ago. The training refers to ‘the chatterbox (or critic)’ and it says that by listening to it we will remain stuck in our old patterns of low self-esteem.
The course goes on to say that our inner critic is ‘the little voice in our mind that says, “you’ll be sorry if you try that – remember what happened last time”, “no, you are too stupid to apply for that job”, or “I see that you have messed up again” and so on’. It then tells us to monitor this “fountain of negativity” and finally it tells us how to reprogramme it with guided or self-hypnosis. At the time this was probably the best advice, but now I think there is a better way to deal with the ‘inner critic’.
Some time ago, I had a client who came to me because she had a phobia of flying. This particular client had suffered mental problems for years and been to many psychologists and other professionals who all, apparently, told her that she must ignore her ‘inner voice’ because its constant criticisms were what was causing her problematic behaviour. Unfortunately, she was becoming highly stressed in her attempt to silence the voice because no matter what she did, it wouldn’t shut up. You should have seen the relief on her face when I told her that making the voice shut up was an impossible task and that in reality, it was there to help her. She was shocked at the suggestion and wanted to know more.
If we think about this logically and from an evolutionary perspective, how could we have an inner voice whose only task is to criticise everything we do? How could that be a survival mechanism? But we do have an inner voice, so what is its function? The answer is simply that it is not an inner critic, but an inner advisor.
So why does our advisor ‘criticise’ us so much? The answer is that it is confused about what you want because you have given it conflicting messages. A recent client who came to me to stop smoking, was also having difficulty with her inner voice and after talking to her for a while, I explained it to her like this; “When you smoke, your inner voice is telling you that you don’t want to smoke because of your fear of the serious health problems that may result, yet when you are not smoking, your inner voice is telling you that you are stressed out by your job and that you need a cigarette to relax”. She confirmed that this was what was happening.
To resolve this conflict, first she needed to know that smoking a cigarette does not relax you (smoking actually increases your stress on several levels), so that she could stop attempting to use them as a way of relaxing. Secondly, I showed her a technique that allows her to relax at any time regardless of her situation. Thus, her conflict was removed and her ‘inner advisor’ no longer had a reason to tell her to smoke. Smoking became redundant because it now served no useful purpose and she knew she would never smoke again.
The important thing to notice here is that this worked with co-operation with her inner advisor and not with a ‘fight’ (which never works). Never fight with your inner voice because it is just a pointless waste of energy. After all, in reality you are fighting with yourself and if you are fighting with yourself, who do you think will win and who will lose? Obviously you must both win and lose, so how will that help? Of course, it cannot help and you will simply stay stuck where you are.
If you are fighting with your inner advisor, then you have a conflict that you need to resolve. Think clearly about what you want and make a decision about how you want to spend the rest of your life. Once you have made the decision, stick with it. If you find yourself going back into old habits, stop immediately and re-confirm your decision. Tell yourself that you have already made that decision and don’t allow yourself to ‘discuss’ it any more.
Rather than attempting to avoid a situation that you do not want, pay attention to what you want to have instead and give that all of your attention. Attempting to push away or avoid what you don’t want never works. Life just doesn’t work that way. Trust me when I say that you get whatever you focus your mind on your powerful unconscious mind will bring you what you ask for and what you ‘ask’ for is whatever you focus on, whether you want it or not. It is pointless to focus on what you don’t want. How can that help you? Always focus on what you want and if you do that well by being happy about it, you will be amazed at how quickly it will turn up in your life.
Take my word for it, once you are clear about what you want, your inner advisor will stop criticising you and start to help you instead.
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If there was one thing that would turn your life around, what would it be? I will do my best to help you in this newsletter or in my blog. The simplest way for you to leave feedback is to go to my blog and leave a comment. You can do that at:
http://raisingyourselfesteem.com/blog/
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doing?” Click on “Leave your comment” and tell me about
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As ever, I hope you really found this useful.
To your success,
Bill Webb
www.rasingyourselfesteem.com
www.raisingyourselfesteem.com/blog
